I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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