He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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