I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
