just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
