hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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