maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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