At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
