guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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