I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
