We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is wine microwaveable?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
