I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
