Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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