Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
