Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
