just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
