I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just had sex bonerless
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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