don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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