I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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