I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
