Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
