Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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