we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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