my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
