I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
