I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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