and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
