You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do herpes really smell.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were trust falling into bushes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
