someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
