Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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