I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
