forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
