I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
