I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
