make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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