Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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