I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
