you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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