She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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