A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
