Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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