Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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