Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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