Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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