Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
