Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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