we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
