tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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