Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
