youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
