my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
