You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
