proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
