I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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