I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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