I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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