On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
