just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
