I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
