I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
