Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
