Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
tell me about the fingering
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
