But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize