He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
