Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
