She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
