Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
