Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
