this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize