is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
