He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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