he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
