I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
