I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
