dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
