We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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