Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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