It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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