Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
