Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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