My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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