R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
