btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
