He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
