chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
