Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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